The meaning of breakdown

When shadows crowd in
in order to become light
to fulfill with love
I struggle
try to work and manage
like before
though even earlier I haven´t manage

surrendering to life
feels too much like giving up
not acting feels not being
like shrinking away
even though efficiency chokes more

String by string I let go
of the rope of performing
desire to act when not having strength
Nonetheless sometimes I grap the rope back
and through collapsing
I´m forced
to face selfhood
which with it´s scratchs
is perfectly beautiful.